Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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