I just saw a hot homeless man
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
