Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
