Already got asked if we're dating
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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