I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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