You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
