My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
