I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
