like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
