I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
