we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
im holly from the hills drunk
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
