so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
