Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
