Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
