im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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