it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
