just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
