I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
