ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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