Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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