five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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