Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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