Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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