Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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