i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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