birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
