You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
