This girl is more easily done than said...
I could make wine with my vomit
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
