i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
