This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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