He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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