you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
