Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
