you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
