a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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