Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
