then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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