dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
