Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
