at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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