12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
