So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
