i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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