Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My hand turned me down
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
