So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
