I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
