If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just threw up on my dentist
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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