I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
