bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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