What did we do last night that was yellow?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
