well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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