There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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