And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
