im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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