Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
